


Human T-Shirts Lie (and Occasionally Contain Misspellings)

by sartiebodyshots



Category: Falling Skies
Genre: M/M, Post-Series
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-11-29
Updated: 2015-11-29
Packaged: 2018-05-03 23:24:53
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 774
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5311049
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sartiebodyshots/pseuds/sartiebodyshots
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Hal creates a shirt with unexpected consequences.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Human T-Shirts Lie (and Occasionally Contain Misspellings)

**Author's Note:**

> Johanna made a post and I had ideas and while I'm often a million years behind on things to write for her this is quick and dirty. Also it's fun to surprise her with things u feel

Hal realizes that post-alien invasion isn’t the best time to be coming up with witty t-shirt ideas, but what can he say?  His genius won’t be contained.

It’s actually pretty easy to get a t-shirt made after the world ends.  All he has to do is find a shirt with only a few small tears, some thread, and someone who knows how to thread a needle and sew. 

Okay, it takes him a few months because they’re _rebuilding human civilization_ or something like that.  Mostly he’s just trying to watch out for his family and training himself not to jump at every loud noise anymore.  But he finds a shirt and trades some of the veggies Cochise has grown for the skills of someone who claims to be able to sew, and voila!  His genius shirt idea is real.

_I survived the alpacalypse and all I got was this lousy tshirt_

It gives him a weird sense of accomplishment when he finally has it in his hands (and on his body, where he can proudly show it off- to his brothers first).

“’The alpacalypse?’” Ben asks, eyebrow raised.  “Like, the alpacas decided to kill us all or…?”

“Darn it!” Hal exclaims, looking down at his slightly-typoed-yet-totally-cool shirt.  “Still, it’s a cool shirt.”

Ben shrugs.  “I guess.”

“It is!” Matt chimes in. 

“Thanks, buddy.  Glad someone appreciates this artistry,” Hal says, grinning at his littlest brother. 

Matt beams at him.  “We should go get some alpacas.”

“They live in the Andes, I think,” Ben says.  “Which is in South America. Real far away.”

“Volm Dad’s got a spaceship.  It’s gotta go to South America!” Matt says like Ben is a moron for not realizing that himself.

Hal laughs to himself as Matt and Ben seriously discuss the possibility of importing alpacas to DC using an alien spaceship.  Sometimes, the more things change the more they stay the same.

* * *

 

Hal is pretty excited to see Shaq’s reaction to his shirt.  Except… Shaq doesn’t react.  And doesn’t react.  And doesn’t react. 

Then Hal realizes that it’s probably because while his spoken English is flawless, Shaq can’t read English very well, yet.  And it’s not like Shaq pays much attention to his clothes beyond taking them off. 

“Hey!  What do you think of my shirt?” Hal asks, stretching out in bed one day- fully clothed for once.

“I do not like it because I cannot see your body.  Remove it,” Shaq says, already removing his own clothes. 

“I mean it!  I worked hard to get this shirt made!  It says ‘I survived the apocalypse and all I got was this lousy tshirt!’  I came up with the slogan,” Hal says, figuring there’s no point in informing Shaq about his error.

Shaq becomes unusually still and then his noseholes flare.  “It is a blatantly untrue shirt.”

Hal blinks.  “What?”

“Your shirt is lying.  You received many orgasms throughout the apocalypse, and you obtained an incredible sexual partner,” Shaq says stiffly.  “Thus, your shirt is factually incorrect.  It is impossible that you would have obtained these things without the Espheni invasion.”

Hal pauses for a minute and then his face practically splits open in glee.  “You’re jealous.  Of a t-shirt.”

“I am not.  I merely prefer facts to slanderous lies,” Shaq says, glaring at his shirt.

“It’s okay,” Hal says, grinning up at his boyfriend.  “I appreciate all the love and care and orgasms you give to me, no matter what the t-shirt says.”

“I do not love you nor care for you.  More human lies,” Shaq says.

“Uh huh, that’s why you’re jealous of a shirt,” Hal says, propping himself up on his elbows. 

“I will remind you of what you actually obtained during your ‘apocalypse,’” Shaq decides, seeming full of determination.  “Then you will no longer wish to wear this lying shirt.”

Hal grins up at him.  “Bring it on.”

* * *

 

While Hal does appreciate the thorough fucking and the multiple orgasms Shaq manages to give him that night, he still wears the shirt.  He spent a lot of vegetables on it, okay?

And… he notices that every time he wears the shirt, Shaq stares at him, only to whisk him away for either a quick fuck or a long, drawn out affair that leaves Hal aching in the best ways and Shaq looking smug as hell.

Best investment ever, honestly. 

* * *

 

A few months later, he goes back to get his shirt slightly amended. 

The back now reads: _and a super sweet Volm boyfriend who totally loves me_.

“More lies,” Shaq says crankily.  “As a Volm, I do not-“

Hal grins and kisses him tenderly to shut him up.


End file.
